


Tightrope

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Dreaming of Friend, M/M, Nicky loves Shane, Pre-Slash, Sex Dream, Shnicky - Freeform, Songfic, Tightrope - Album, confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky has difficulties sleeping as his subconcious is trying to tell him he's in love with Shane</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tightrope

I keep dreaming that I'm falling  
There's no safety net  
You look up with arms wide open  
Then you smile and walk away  
I guess that Freud would have an answer  
He'd say that I was twisted and  
Confused and just insane  
Couldn't blame him!  
I feel like lately all the things I took for granted  
Flipped and changed  
Now I'm losing grip again...

 

He was falling, falling, falling. Down, down, down. He had no parachute, nothing to break the fall and nothing between him and the ground. Where had he fallen from? A plane? The roof of a tall building? He had no idea. He wondered why he was so calm while falling to his death… But then he saw HIM.  
Shane was standing on the ground miles below. The younger boy was staring up at him, his arms held wide as though prepared to catch the falling blonde. Even from this distance, Nicky could tell the young brunette was smiling and that bought a smile to Nicky’s own face. He continued his slow descent, preparing himself to land in Shane’s embrace. But before he could reach him, Shane shook his head and walked away. Nicky tried to yell, beg Shane not to leave him but no sound came from his mouth….

Nicky awoke with a start, calling out to the empty room. The sudden darkness encircled him and he scrambled for the light switch. His hands were shaking and his body trembled as he tried to compose himself.  
“What’s happening to me?” he asked the empty room.  
The blonde singer had had the same dream every night for the past week and he was still no closer to finding out what it meant. It was always the same. Always consisted of him falling from a great height and heading straight into Shane’s arms... Only to have the younger boy walk away from him.

He rubbed his eyes and reached for the remote. The television came to life and he scrolled through the channels. An advertisement for a psychic reading flashed across the screen and he quickly turned it off. The blonde had never been a fan of dream interpreters or fortune tellers and now he was beginning to wonder if he was losing it. After having the same dream so many times, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was some hidden meaning behind it.

“Maybe I should talk to someone…” Nicky laughed at himself for thinking such a thing. After saying it out loud, he realized how ridiculous he sounded and he convinced himself that anyone he confided in would laugh at him or tell him that he was, obviously, insane.  
His mind wandered to Georgina and he considered talking to her but, again, decided against it. Could he really tell his girlfriend that he was dreaming about another man?

He sighed then reluctantly turned the light off. He lay back in bed, huddled under the duvet and tried to go back to sleep. His mind began to drift and he started thinking about Georgina and about Shane. He felt weird thinking about his band mate but he couldn’t help himself. The younger boy’s sudden appearances in Nicky’s dreams had, at first, thrown him off-guard but now they were becoming more frequent and he had no idea why.  
There was no reason behind it. Shane had just started turning up at random intervals of Nicky’s dreams. He never spoke to him or did anything odd or weird. He was just there. Always there.

Nicky buried his face in his pillow and closed his eyes.  
What the fuck are you trying to tell me? He asked his subconscious. When he failed to receive a reply, he struck the pillow in frustration and shook his head before dozing off to sleep.

 

Oh Oh  
I'm walking a tightrope  
Between who I love and what I know  
Oh Oh  
I'm watching the sharks lick their lips  
As they circle far below... 

 

The rest of the night passed very slowly for the confused singer. His sleep was constantly interrupted by his recurring dream. When his morning wake-up call roused him from yet another dream, he’d never been so relieved to hear their tour manager’s voice. He was the first one to breakfast and was joined very soon after by Shane. The younger boy took one look at his band mate and immediately asked what was wrong. The blonde shook his head, knowing he couldn’t tell Shane the truth.

“You don’t want to talk about it?” Shane stated.  
“No” Nicky replied.  
“But… You always talk to me”  
The brunette sounded hurt by Nicky’s reluctance to open up to him.  
“I know”  
“Well…” Shane moved on. “If you change your mind, I’m always here for you”  
“I know… Thanks Shay” Nicky smiled.  
Shane smiled back and reached across the table, lightly stroking the back of Nicky’s hand. The older boy felt a gentle tingling sensation shoot through his entire body, starting from where Shane’s fingers had brushed his skin and spreading as far as his toes. He smiled at Shane again before subtly retracting his hand.

During the drive to the venue for their sound check, Nicky fell asleep. His confusing dreams were really starting to affect him and, without realizing, he drifted off to sleep. His head drooped to his side and rested against Shane’s shoulder. The brunette shifted slightly, not wanting to disturb Nicky but to make him more comfortable. He could tell something was wrong and that Nicky hadn’t been sleeping properly. 

He’d admit to anyone that asked that he was worried about Nicky. He silently hoped the older boy would open up and confide in him soon.  
Before they reached the venue, Nicky awoke from yet another dream. He jerked awake but refrained from calling out. Mark and Kian were both laughing at him and his face became flustered. He then realised that he’d fallen asleep on Shane’s shoulder and he prayed he hadn’t drooled on Shane’s shirt.  
“Its okay, Nicky” Shane soothed him, ignoring Kian and Mark’s jeers. “It was just a bad dream, yeah?”  
Nicky nodded and immediately looked away as Shane took a hold of his hand.

“Couldn’t have been that bad” Kian spoke up, giggling like a school girl.  
Nicky blushed even harder, mortified that Kian would point out the tightness of his jeans.  
“Fuck off, Ki” Shane said in an attempt to rescue his embarrassed friend. “Like *you’ve* never woken up hard”  
The valiant attempt to defend Nicky sounded surprisingly worse coming from Shane and Nicky hoped the seat would open up and swallow him whole.

Before Nicky could be subjected to anymore humiliation, they reached the venue and all climbed out of the van. As they made their way inside, Shane pulled Nicky aside. He was saddened to see the blonde trying not to meet his gaze.  
“Just ignore them, Nicky” Shane told him. The blonde nodded.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong?” Shane asked. Again, Nicky nodded.  
“Positive” Nicky replied.  
“You can talk to me… I… I wish you would talk to me… I’m worried about you”

 

I'd slip my skin and lose this face  
If we could find a secret place to hide  
Say the words I need to hear and  
I would leave it all behind  
My psychic says she sees disaster  
My heart is begging that I take a giant leap of faith  
See are you really worth the risk  
Of losing everything I have  
For what might be one stupid kiss? 

 

Nicky continued to avoid Shane’s eye. The younger boy was obviously concerned for him but for some reason, that irked Nicky. He nervously chewed his bottom lip, wanting desperately to talk about this but he knew he couldn’t. He just wasn’t brave enough to say ‘I keep dreaming about you’ to his best friend. To Shane. He thought for a moment. Perhaps if he only said that part it wouldn’t seem so bad. But then he feared the brunette would ask about the dream he’d just had…  
The one that had left him hard…. Hard for Shane.

Nicky couldn’t deny it any longer. That that’s what his dreams had been trying to tell him. That he was falling in love with Shane. And that Shane’s walking away from him meant Shane didn’t love him in return.

“I’m fine, Shane” Nicky stated. To his own ears he sounded much more confident then he actually felt.  
“Really?” Shane asked.  
“Yes. Listen… I’m just going through some stuff right now is all. I’ll be fine in a few days”  
“And by ‘stuff’ you mean, Georgina?” Shane made a face when he said the name.  
Nicky tried not to smile.  
“Just lots of little things, nothing in particular”  
“If you say so”  
“And I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from doing that when talking about my girlfriend, Shane”  
The younger boy rolled his eyes.  
“I’m sorry… I’ve tried to like her. I really have. I’m just not a fan”  
“Are you ever going to tell me why?”

Shane finally managed to lock his gaze with Nicky’s eyes and he spoke. Firmly and clearly, before turning his back and walking away.  
“Because she’s with you”

 

Oh Oh  
I'm walking a tightrope  
Between who I love and what I know  
Oh Oh  
I'm watching the sharks lick their lips  
As they circle far below... 

 

Nicky stood alone in the empty corridor, shocked by Shane’s words. He’d always known that Shane wasn’t impressed by his girlfriend but the younger boy had never admitted why. The blonde had been too stunned to speak once Shane had said those words and he had just let him walk away. But now he was desperate to demand more information from his band mate.

“Nicky?” Mark called to him.  
The blonde turned around and saw his band mate down the hall.  
“Are you coming?”  
“Uh, yeah. Sure”  
He hurried to catch up to the younger boy and they made their way through the area to the stage.

Kian was backstage, scanning the newspaper. Shane was on the stage, talking to their musical director. Nicky looked at him with curious eyes. What had gotten into the younger boy? What had possessed him to say such a thing? Was he jealous of the relationship Nicky had with Georgina and if so why hadn’t he said something sooner?  
Mark was reading the newspaper over Kian’s shoulder and he began to laugh. This pulled Nicky’s attention away from the brunette on stage.

“What’s so funny now?” Nicky asked.  
“You’re horoscope, Nicky” Mark replied.  
“I don’t believe in that shit… And neither should you”  
“A new moon brings disaster when you least expect it” Kian read aloud.  
“I’d hate to be you right now Nicky” Mark told him.  
“And I’d hate to be you, ever” The older boy snapped before ripping the newspaper from Kian’s hands and launching it into the nearest garbage bin.

“Ooooh, touchy” Kian joked. “Is there something in the water? First Shane starts acting weird and now you”  
“Shane’s acting odd?” Nicky asked.  
“You haven’t noticed?”  
“No” Nicky turned and looked at Shane. He didn’t look any different. He wasn’t looking run down or tired or depressed. He looked like the same beautiful Shane he saw every day.  
Beautiful? Nicky thought. When had he started thinking of Shane as ‘beautiful’?

 

The sound check was long and boring. Nothing seemed to want to work properly and none of the lads seemed to want to concentrate. Shane forgot the lyrics to two songs. Mark forgot parts of one of the dance routines and Nicky had trouble remembering the set list. Admittedly, it was not one of their best rehearsals. By the time they stopped for lunch, Nicky felt his head was going to explode.  
While the other lads were busy, Nicky returned to the backstage area and collected the newspaper. He sat down and read through his horoscope once more. He’d been telling the truth when he said he didn’t believe in them but he found his eyes scanning the page for Shane’s.

‘The kiss of a life-time is just around the corner’ Nicky read. ‘Remember, a kiss is never just a kiss’

“Who writes this shit?” he asked aloud.  
“Nicky?”

The blonde turned around and saw their tour manager standing behind him.  
“Is everything okay with you?” Dave asked him.  
“Sure, why?” Nicky replied.  
“You’re reading the horoscope page”  
“Oh, boredom. I swear”  
“Well, ten minutes till you’re due back on stage”  
“Thanks”

 

I don't know why it is that you won't say you love me  
I don't know what it is

 

Dave walked away and Nicky tossed the paper aside again. He closed his eyes and sighed in frustration. Nothing was ever simple in life. Things were never black and white… just different shades of grey. Nicky knew he couldn’t give in too easily but all the signs were pointing the same way. First he starts dreaming about Shane, and then Shane states that he doesn’t like Georgina simply because she’s dating Nicky and now this… The mere thought of Shane is causing Nicky’s jeans to tighten.  
The blonde had been distracted during their rehearsals, he’d been reluctant to take his eyes off Shane and that had resulted in several mistakes on his part. During one particular song, Nicky had closed his eyes and simply listened to Shane’s voice.  
He’d become so transfixed and, embarrassingly, aroused that he’d had to restrain himself from leaping across the stage and kissing the brunette.  
Now he was staring at the discarded newspaper. The one that had predicted a kiss in Shane’s future and disaster in Nicky’s.

“This is so unfair” Nicky muttered to himself.  
‘I can’t be in love with Shane’ he insisted. ‘My life is with Georgina. I know I belong with her’  
‘But Shane…’ Nicky sighed. ‘There’s something there… I can feel it’

‘So why hasn’t he said something?’ Nicky wondered. ‘If Shane feels something too, why hasn’t he said something before now? Why hasn’t he just come out and said ‘Nicky I love you’?’  
‘Maybe he will say it… After you kiss him?’  
‘But I don’t want to kiss him… Do I?’ 

The next image that filled Nicky’s mind was nothing short of pornographic. His lips were on Shane’s, they were in bed together and Nicky’s hands were touching Shane in places he’d never thought of touching him… Until now.  
He couldn’t help but smile to himself at the thought. They hadn’t even kissed yet. Nicky was still coming to terms with admitting he had feelings for the brunette and yet he was already imagining sex, mind-blowing sex, with the younger boy.

“This is ridiculous” Nicky told himself.  
He had a life and everything in it had been perfect. There was Georgina, who made him happy. There were also his commitments to Westlife which too made him happy. Being in the band was the best thing that had ever happened to him. So why was he considering throwing it all away?  
Nicky knew nothing good could come out of this. His dreams had already told him what he needed to know. That he, himself, was falling for Shane but that Shane wouldn’t stay around. That Shane would leave him. If that were the case then acting on these feelings would be a bad idea.  
Could he really risk losing Georgina, his life with the band and his friendship with Shane all for the sake of an irrational and illogical kiss?

 

I keep slipping back to you  
When you're not good for me  
I keep wanting what I can't have  
Mr. Freud would you disagree? 

 

Nicky could sense someone in the room. He turned and saw Shane standing in the doorway. The blonde didn’t speak and neither did the younger boy. The two singers stared at each other as an awkward silence filled the room.  
Come on, say it! Nicky’s mind shouted. He wanted so much for Shane to say something. No, he wanted Shane to say a particular something.  
‘Three words that’s all it’ll take’ Nicky thought to himself.

Shane shifted uncomfortably under Nicky’s gaze. He knew he’d made a mistake this morning by telling Nicky the real reason he disliked Georgina. He had just done it to see how Nicky would react. 

The blonde was acting weird and it was starting to scare Shane. He’d half expected Nicky to punch him but the fact that the blonde hadn’t even blinked was very disconcerting.  
The younger boy shuffled his feet, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He’d only come back here to apologize, pretend he’d been making a joke but the words refused to leave his mouth.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” Nicky finally spoke.  
“I don’t know… Maybe” Shane replied.  
“I loved Georgina the moment I saw her”  
“You were, what, twelve?”  
Nicky shrugged his shoulders.  
“I just knew… I knew I loved her. And I still do but now…“ Nicky trailed off.

“Nicky, what’s wrong?” Shane asked as he dropped to the ground beside the blonde. “You’ve been acting odd for the past few days”  
“So have you”  
“What?”  
“Kian and Mark… They said you’ve been acting different”  
“I’ve been worrying about you”  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re my friend and I care about you”  
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t notice…”  
“You’ve been distracted. And you’ve been avoiding me”  
“I… I didn’t mean to-“  
“What did I do? What did I do to make you hate me?”  
“No!” Nicky stated. “I… I don’t hate you, Shane. I could never…”  
“So… Why Nicky? What happened?”  
“Nothing happened… I just…”  
“What?”

Nicky could hear the desperation in Shane’s voice. The younger boy was worried about him and Nicky wanted nothing more than to put his mind at ease. But telling him what was really wrong…? Surely that wasn’t a good idea.

 

Oh Oh  
I'm walking a tightrope  
Between who I love and what I know  
Oh Oh  
I'm watching the sharks lick their lips  
As they circle far below... 

 

Nicky took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He closed his eyes and nervously licked his lips. Shane watched him closely but didn’t say anything. He reached out to touch the blonde but stopped. He didn’t want to scare the older boy by freaking him out anymore than he already was.

“I’ve been going through some… Stuff. Lately” Nicky admitted.  
“I know” Shane whispered. “And if there’s anything I can do to help you…”  
“That’s the thing” Nicky interrupted. “The ‘stuff’ involves… You”  
“Oh”

Shane averted his eyes and stared down at his hands. He folded them into his lap and waited for Nicky to continue. When the older boy failed to speak Shane decided to break the silence.

“Is this about what I said this morning?” Shane asked. “You know… About Georgina?”  
“Kind of…” Nicky replied. “I mean, why did you say it?”  
“To see how you would react. I wanted some kind of sign that you were still you but you totally spaced on me. I thought you’d get mad or be insulted but you didn’t say or do anything”  
“I was surprised by what you said and it really made me think”  
“I’m sorry… I know you don’t like to think”  
“Shane!”  
“Sorry”

“I love Georgina” Nicky said. “I always have and probably always will but lately… This past week or so… I’ve started thinking about someone else. Someone I shouldn’t be thinking about; At least not in that way anyway. And it’s driving me crazy. I keep thinking that there’s something there with me and them. I realised that… I look at them and I just KNOW that I belong with them”  
“And Georgina doesn’t know?”  
“No”  
“And do they know?”  
“I don’t think so”  
“Maybe you should tell them?”  
“That’s the thing… I’m scared to”  
“Nicky Byrne… Scared?”  
“I know it sounds weird to me too but… What if I’m wrong? What if they don’t feel the same and I ruin everything? I could lose them and Georgina and… I… I don’t want to lose either of them”  
“Well… Has this other person ever given you any indication that they might feel the same?”  
“Maybe… I think so… Unless I’m reading too much into it”

Shane nodded, taking in all of Nicky’s words and trying to think of something encouraging to say to his friend.

“I guess you’re just going to have to make a decision” Shane told him.  
“My heart’s telling me to take the chance” Nicky admitted.  
“So why don’t you? What are you waiting for?”  
“For them to tell me that they love me”  
The words slipped out before Nicky could stop them. He felt his cheeks flush and he quickly looked away. Shane decided not to draw attention to Nicky’s embarrassment and move on.

“Maybe they’re waiting for you to make the first move?” Shane suggested.  
“You think so?” Nicky asked. Shane shrugged.

Nicky finally looked up at the younger boy and their eyes met. Nicky’s blue orbs held Shane’s hazel ones and they stared intently at each other. Both searching for the answer they each knew. Nicky tentatively reached out and cupped Shane’s cheek with his hand.

“Thank you” Nicky whispered.  
“Any time, Nicky” Shane replied.

The blonde leaned forward and pressed his lips against Shane’s. The contact was brief and slightly awkward. Neither one of them having kissed another man before. And both were slightly nervous about the outcome of such an action. When they separated, Nicky’s heart was pounding and his hands were sweating. He was relieved to note that Shane *had* returned the kiss and had also been reluctant to pull away.

“Really,” Shane whispered. “Any time, Nicky”  
“You… You’re not mad?” Nicky replied, his voice as low a whisper as Shane’s. “For what I just did?”  
“Nope”  
“Then you… I mean, me and you?”

Shane reached out and took Nicky’s hand in his.

“I love you, Nicky”

 

I don't know why it is that you won't say you love me  
I don't know what it is but this tightrope's got me

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the 'Stephanie McIntosh' album challenge wherein I'm attempting to write a fic for every song on her album
> 
> Track # 3 - Tightrope
> 
>  
> 
> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 19th March 2007


End file.
